Bile

i let you in
(goddamn it)

stop rhapsodising
stop fucking around inside my head

my knuckles turning white.
touch
touch
touch
touch
touch
ican'treachyou

please? what is this?
my knuckles split at the seams
red earth
scorched earth

faltering

scorched earth
red heat
flesh burning

HERETIC!

i let you in
what is this church?
religion wallpaper
saints with dirty feet don't hang me here
ican'treachyou
ican'ttouchyou
ican'tunderstandyou
	
oh! that's a mirror
sorry, i didn't realise
	
seven years bad luck
fuck

goddamndamnDAMN what is this?
who let you in?

my knuckles turning black
turning back
touch
touch
touch
touch

flesh and bone
there is nothing there
what do you recognise?

oh! that's plagiarism
sorry, i didn't realise

black black black black black
burning
ican'ttakeyou
what did you expect?
what did you want?
what?
what?
answer the fucking question damn it
answer me not a FUCKING WORD

oh my what profanity can't i use anglosaxon you cunt?
take it back to your ancestors
take it back to your vikings
loot pillage rape me on the coast of ireland
valkyrie

FUCK YOU

oh! that's a promise
sorry, i didn't realise

i let you in
who's going to let me out?
what is this?
	
touch
touch
touch
touch
touch me
touch me
touch ME

not THIS
it doesn't mean anything.
	
i don't mean anything.
you don't mean anything.
this is anything but.

stop this.
i need your hands.
stop fucking around inside my head.


22nd Feb 1996
© Lela Kaunitz