Humpty Dumpty

i'm back
to being sixteen again
jumping off balconies
to escape myself.

the way she
holds she
is unbearable -
i break myself
again.

all the king's horses
and all the king's men
do not mute
the closed door
the voices
the lock does not hold
them
as their arms
hold me
they may enfold me
friendship first
and for that
eternal love
they may enfold me
and my head rested in the hollow
of the chest
enough to bury thought
memory
self
but the what-i-might
sickens
the what-is-not
burns
the two who are
drifting closer
to the one
they are not me
they are not close
they are not wanted
they are not enough

i find myself jumping balconies
to escape myself
but in the end
in the falling
in the breaking
all the king's horses
and all the king's men
don't want to put pieces together again.



November 29, 1998
© Lela Kaunitz